‘Thank you, Ma’am.’ Wait. What?

I was raised to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ as well as ‘yes ma’am’ and ‘no ma’am’ and my husband and I raised our children the same. For the most part, I think my adult children— of the millennial generation— carry those niceties forward. I am sure, not all the time, but most of the time. I’ve witnessed it so I know that to be true.

My new year’s resolution is to not only be more courteous and set an example for those around me, but to be more forgiving of those who have forgotten the simple courtesies we should all embrace.

What got me started on this topic was observing the members of the Southeastern Korean American Association’s Christmas party held recently. They were all so kind, so generous, so happy—even to a stranger such as me.

The bowing took me aback a little. Not all too familiar with Korean traditions, I was unsure how to respond to it or even if I should. It didn’t seem to matter, anyway, I was smiled at, bowed to, welcomed and generally treated like an honored guest. At a few other area (non-Korean) events in recent weeks, people were nice, but most simply never spoke to me unless I spoke to them first. It makes one feel odd when surrounded by people who either don’t make eye contact, or do and look away, or even refuse to speak a simple hello, welcome, or excuse me or whatever, when they are first greeted with a hello or a simple smile.

Why is that? Why are people seemingly so suspicious and uninviting to their fellow citizens? I have never understood that. Is it massive shyness, snobbery, fear of rejection?

Maybe we all can take some lessons from the Korean culture and other cultures like it, set on honor and traditions of kindness and respect. I am not suggesting we all go around bowing, as that is not our American culture, but how about simply smiling, making eye contact, saying “hello,” even to those we don’t know?

I was talking about the bowing I witnessed to someone last weekend and they, like myself, decided we wanted more information about it. Based on what I found on various websites, the act of bowing has been a symbol of respect and maybe even a religious gesture since ancient times.

Bowing in Korea is a part of everyday life. It is sometimes nothing more than a little gesture to go along with a “thank you” or “excuse me.” Frequent bowing is one of the most common but historically significant cultural experiences you can participate in when maneuvering in Korean communities abroad, or a diverse Korean Community such as we have locally.

Living in the South has perhaps spoiled me for common courtesies, but even here, it is obvious people are just not as approachable and nice as they once were.

My simple suggestion for the new year is for everyone to always say “please” and “thank you” because it really does make a big difference on one’s psyche’ and certainly on the psyche’ of the one the words are directed toward.

So, have a great 2016 and “thank you ma’am” or “thank you sir” — whichever pertains to you — “I hope you have a wonderful day and year!”

Jan Murray is a staff writer for The Southeast Sun and Daleville Sun-Courier. The opinions of this writer are her own and not the opinion of the paper. She can be reached at (334) 393-2969 or by email at [email protected].