Sweet ‘Sug’ remembered: a caretaker’s story

She didn’t have any kids. Me being her oldest nephew, I stepped up and was like, ‘Whatever you need me to do, I’ll be there for you,’” said Sheldon Gibson, caretaker for his aunt who was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Being there for her was the sentiment that Gibson had when it came to his favorite aunt, Valerie Hall. They had a close bond, a special relationship so to speak. Their relationship took a dramatic shift in early 2013.

On Aug. 2, 2014, even though she lost an earthly battle with cancer, from Gibson’s view her family saw her go to a better place where her suffering was never more. Gibson spoke about the process of losing his aunt and gaining a valuable life lesson that spurred him and his family to push her legacy forward. This aunt that Gibson loved birthed in him a devotion that grew as a result of the time he spent aiding her in her time of need.

When Gibson first heard the news of his aunt’s diagnosis, he made it a priority to tend to his ailing aunt. “Every procedure, every chemo appointment, every radiation appointment, I was there with her,” said Gibson. “Me and her aunt, which is my great-aunt, we went with her to appointments and stuff like that.”

Gibson explained the spread of the cancer and how it progressed over time.

“She did almost 18 rounds of chemo,” Gibson said. “At first, it was just her breasts. She went through the chemo. I think she had nine rounds the first time (she was diagnosed) and then they told her she was fine, went back and found out that the cancer had spread from her breasts to her liver, so she had polyps on her liver, little spots on her liver. She went back to chemo and did nine more rounds of chemo. (She did) nine more weeks of that.”

During her battle with cancer Gibson was there to take care of his aunt and spend time with her as she dealt with the sickness that treatment brings.

“I was sitting at her house from the time I got up in the morning until it was time for her to go to bed,” said Gibson. “I didn’t want to leave her.”

Over the course of a year, despite the chemotherapy and radiation therapy, the cancer spread quickly and hospice was called in during the final stages after the cancer had spread to Hall’s liver.

“Hospice came in and the lady told us, ‘I guess they didn’t tell you guys what all’s been going on,’” shared Gibson. “She said, ‘You might need to call everybody in.’ The hospice nurse came in that day, maybe a day later, she passed. It was August the 2nd. Come to find out, the cancer had spread from her liver to all over her body. She had spots on the brain. She had spots on her bones. It was eating her up, but the doctor never told us that. He said, ‘I’m going to send her home. Just make sure she’s comfortable,’ and stuff like that.”

When Hall, who the family affectionately called “Sug,” was in the midst of death, Gibson took with him a perspective that helped him cope with her loss.

“I think, with me being there every day, I think that it made me more prepared for it,” said Gibson. “I was sitting around one night with my momma and I was like, ‘I just think that it’s going to be sometime soon.

“I was actually, I was like, I would rather see her there (in heaven) than to see her sitting here hurting every day, and seeing her not responsive and just sitting there, can’t talk and all that. I was (thinking) I would rather see her there than suffering here.”

Gibson recalls his aunt’s giving spirit. She was a home health nurse and devoutly active in the church. “She didn’t mind helping older people,” Gibson said. “She would go to their houses and pick them up for church or go to their houses and help clean up; all that good stuff like that. Stuff that I probably couldn’t do.”

On top of her help of the elderly as a nurse, in her free time Hall loved to travel. She would take road trips to Washington DC, Atlanta and Orlando. Gibson said she “loved to drive.” They were always on the go. Gibson stated that since Hall didn’t have any children of her own she would take care of other children.

He and his aunt were extremely close. “People thought that she was my mom for the longest, because every time she was somewhere, I was right there with her because I just wanted to be with my aunt. I wanted to be with her.”

It’s not completely known how Hall got the nickname “Sug” but it was the endearing term that the family used to call her.

“When I got older, instead of saying ‘Bebe’ I would just say ‘Sugar’ (which is what her siblings called her), explained Gibson. “But I can’t tell you how (she got the nickname). Then it carried on into just a lifestyle for her. Her email address was ‘SweetSug,’ which the (chemotherapy) bags (created in her honor) are named after. We kept that. So, I can’t tell you (how she got the name). I guess you could say she was real nice and sweet like sugar.”

Gibson shared another example of how his aunt was sweet like sugar.

“I think with the diagnosis, I think that her main thing was that she was real into church,” said Gibson. “She was like, ‘We’ll just pray about it and we’ll go about it like we always face (things) head on with other things that we got going on.’”

Gibson recounted how she demonstrated her love for him.

“Prior to her getting diagnosed with cancer in 2006, I was paralyzed for a month,” Gibson continued. “She was a big person that was there. She would come to the house to give my momma a break, and bathe me and feed me and sit up with me and stuff like that. She would also say, ‘We’re just going to pray about it.’”

Her faith was important to her and seemingly inspired her to believe that things would work out the way God planned it. Gibson remembers some of her last days and the effort he took to make sure she was at peace.

“When my momma wasn’t there, I would help her go to the bathroom and feed her and just sit there,” Gibson said. “I remember one time she was in the hospital she would always want me to come and hold her hand and sit with her in the bed. I thought it was strange. I was like, ‘I don’t want to sit in this hospital bed, and hold your hand.’ But that’s what she wanted, so that’s what I did.”

“I guess what I’ve learned from it, going to chemo, to all of the chemo appointments with her, (I saw) people that didn’t have people there that supported them, or that was there with them to help them through the chemo,” said Gibson. “You would see people that came in and didn’t have anything, nobody to go get them anything to eat, nobody could sit by them, they had to come to chemo and drive home themselves.”

It’s those days waiting at a cancer center for his aunt “Sug” that inspired a movement that pushes her memory forward.

“So when she died, she died in 2014, me and my mom and my younger brother we sat down and were like, ‘We need to do something to keep her legacy alive, to keep her alive,’” said Gibson. “She had made such an impact in our lives that we didn’t want to just let her go like that and let her work go unseen and undone. So we sat down, came up with the idea of giving out these care packages. In 2015, that was the first year we did it, in 2015 we paid for everything out of our own pockets and we only passed out 25 bags.

In 2016 friends and family decided to pitch in to the expensive effort alleviating some of the financial constraints to create Sweet Sug’s Chemo Bags. They were able to make 55 bags in 2016. The bags are filled with chemotherapy essentials such as lip balm, water, socks, puzzle books, coloring books, tissues, lotion and lifesavers. This year’s bags will add fleece throws.

Gibson and his team are working with G.I.R.L.S. Supporting G.I.R.L.S. and will release 100 bags to chemo patients in Dothan and Enterprise this year as a way to keep Hall’s memory alive.