Going through my spam mail

So, you should all be jealous and want to be my friend.

You may ask the obvious question of “Why?” Well, hold on to your britches because the big reveal will blow your mind.

Ready?

Okay. Here it is.... I won the Lotto Netherlands.

Again, you may ask somewhat obvious question. “What is the Lotto Netherlands, Cassie?”

Well, readers, I will tell you. The Lotto Netherlands is a clearly legitimate lottery that I won simply because I have an email, according to a Mrs. Maria Anderson.

That sounds like a normal name attached to a normal lottery.

I was one of 3,000 names chosen from this wonderful continent that I live on. Yes, I said continent, not country. The Netherlands go all out for their lottos.

There were 21,000 names from around the world to draw from.

Basically, I beat everyone in the world.

What’s even better is my point of contact to receive my winnings is a Mr. James Keller Laan Van Hoornwijck.

That sounds completely Netherlandish. Netherlandian?

You know what I mean.

Now, you may be wondering how much I won in the Lotto Netherlands.

Well, once again, I will tell you. I am the proud winner of a grand total of 1,500,000 euros.

According to a random currency calculator that I found on the Internet, that equals approximately $1,628,237.85.

This is the part where I tell you why you should want to be my friend.

I’m willing to share my completely legitimate earnings with all of my friends... whenever I can get the money.

I may need your help getting the money over here, so you may need to provide me with some pretty personal information and identification so that we can create a bank account and transfer the funds over here to the great U.S. of A.

You know, kind of like those spam emails you may get about somebody having a lot of money, and if you help them get it to America, you get a share?

Well, it’s the same thing, but completely real because I’m a real person.

Then, when we get the money over here, the only thing you have to do is listen to me promote Microsoft Word and email, apparently.

“We hope with your prize, you will be happy to promote the use of E-mail and the use of MS WORD.”

That’s what the email says to do.

Just think of it as listening to a spiel about a timeshare in exchange for a really cheap weekend at the beach. Except, you get money from the Netherlands.

However, just to warn you all, I will be keeping the largest share. I mean, I won the money.

I can’t wait to make friends with all of you and share my newfound wealth with you all.

You know, this all came at such a great time, too. My birthday was this weekend. What great news to receive when you turn 25.

Also, have you heard of this new invention called email?!

Cassie Gibbs is a staff writer for The Southeast Sun and Daleville Sun-Courier. The opinions of this writer are her own and not the opinion of the paper. She can be reached at (334) 393-2969 or by email at [email protected].